why are the tables always reserved before I get there?!

'Grace without an end
As Your word had promised'
- you saw me

nicely done.

but for all the mistakes you've made
all the wrong turns that you take
can you ever find a way
will you ever get away

from the start of your choices
to the ends of decisions
it's a journey we all take
but yet, somehow, i feel
mostly a mistake.

Hmm, always pondered on this. The decisions ive made have really shaped how i look at things now. Not always positive, but not all negative.

I think loads of people have questioned why i'm doing journalism. Passion? not yet, although someday i hope. Money? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Job prospect? HA. erm, get to travel? Well yes maybe. and why UK? cos. erm. it's nice. See the decisions and all the questions, never fully answered till i really got here.

I don't regret going away from home, don't regret doing journalism, but there's a whole load more.

But that's what they call the Past.

Philippians 4:4 Rejoice! Rejoice in the Lord always.

See that's one good decision now. (insert big smiley?) decided not to.

Haven't got time to do much updating cos of the increasing amount of work and essays that i have to get done. Then again, after what, 2 months here, it has been quite a journey. All the things we take for granted, food on the table when you want it, clothes washed, easy transport, language. The big difference? support. i think it's so easy to just wake up, make a cup of coffee, put on clean clothes, and walk out of the house. Here, you gotta make sure oven's switched off, clean your own stuff, manage your finances, get your own breakfast bloody early in the morning, wash your clothes, all that stuff.

But once you get into the groove it's alright i guess. It's quite funny though, meeting new friends from new church, getting to cell, spending time with God. i guess we're just all lost in a foreign place, but with a common goal. i cannot say i miss my friends too much, or my family though. i miss the support, the fun, but since i got here, i've grown up so much i feel (strangely enough) i've outgrown all these emotional attachments. see it's different. i miss God so much that i seek him more here (makes things easier that there is very little else that i rather do, like going out and all that) than back home, but ironically enough, the revival here is quite stagnant.

i'm coming out of a phase of life i guess. No more fancy clothes, dress to impress, going to church cos it's popular, going out on sats , insulting people with the same tongue you use to praise God, giving the 'i dont care' attitude when you do care, or acting like you care. if you think that's you, well, honestly, grow up.

on that note, i'm still growing up though. so i guess we're all stuck together on the same boat.

3 years is a long time no?

and poof! everything goes right once again.

everything is going wrong in reading week. what the hell. YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND MASKING TAPE HERE! seriously now, I can't wait for uni to start again. all this waiting about is getting on my nerves.

The Ten Commandments (For a Blogger)

Just had a class on online journalism. A really interesting article came up, and I thought it was spoof at first. Apparently not!

Ten commandments for bloggers
1 You shall not put your blog before your integrity
2 You shall not make an idol of your blog
3 You shall not misuse your screen name by using your anonymity to sin
4 Remember the Sabbath day by taking one day off a week from your blog
5 Honour your fellow-bloggers above yourselves and do not give undue significance to their mistakes
6 You shall not murder someone else's honour, reputation or feelings
7 You shall not use the web to commit or permit adultery in your mind
8 You shall not steal another person's content
9 You shall not give false testimony against your fellow-blogger
10 You shall not covet your neighbour's blog ranking. Be content with your own content

It's up on http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/faith/article4833275.ece!
Check it out!

061008 Monday

Alright then, it’s been two weeks since I’ve been here. The people here sure are different! More outgoing and all that, but I miss (quite a bit) the quiet reserved Singaporean. Haha, don’t ask why. All of you guys who wanna get out of Singapore, and going on about how much it sucks… don’t. Cos there’s really nothing like home.

School’s just starting here. Been out quite often.. the culture here’s really quite different. School’s packed with work.. And yes University life really does force you to do your own research, reading, studying blah blah blah. There are free days but you gotta really mug to catch up with all the lectures and stuff. Settling in well here, except for the occasional pangs of homesickness, it’s been great.

Meanwhile, my quiet time here has been rather excellent. Lots of feeling and that sense of abandonment in God’s arms are well, for lack of better word, homely. People are rather sceptical about the whole God thing here.. but this song’s just perfect innit?

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence, living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your VERY WORD spoken to me

And I, I’m desperate for you
And I, I’m lost with you

And that just simple sums up some stuff. The sunsets here are horrendous compared to Singapore I must say! And the weather. Goodness. I have no idea why I can't upload any pictures at this time. Another time then.

Cheers mates, and to all you guys with exams, I’ll be praying!

Heart of Worship

Have you ever gone through a time of worship, where all it meant was just words and music? When you forget the lyrics and go, “oh man!” or when you strum the wrong chords, and all you think is, “I sound bad.”

But try to understand, that worshipping is not about music. It’s not about lyrics. It’s not about the musicians (definitely not)! It’s much more than that. It’s about one thing, one God, and one King.

We might use English, Mandarin, and other languages to praise God. Remember those pictures you saw in church whenever someone came back from a mission trip? Or the times you received a brochure filled with pictures of people with arms lifted? How did you know what language hey were using? Or what they were saying? Were they even worshipping? Or how did it strike you that they were communicating with God?

He only understands the language of love.

It’s simple. A good photographer aside, it’s all about the emotion that goes through you in worship. I don’t mean, everyone go dance right now during praise songs, go raise your hands and touch the ceilings with that slow and uplifting worship song. Or just collapse. If it is your way of conveying your emotions, no one can say you were trying too hard (unless you were, obviously). I think of my own way of doing worship. Sometimes, it’s all about the chords. But for most, I can safely say (well blessed me), I feel it. I feel Him. I feel the Love. And I get touched by it.

I think if you, sometimes, see me in worship, you might go, “sure bluff one this guy, where got people get so high..” or if you are rather nice-r, you will say, “ maybe he is just trying to get everyone in the mood.” Fact is, if I am ever about the chords, it’s rather obvious. You will see me quite, erm stale, and inactive. I will not sing much, I will not speak much, and I will not show much feelings.

Now, I am blessed to be surrounded by true worshippers. Every time I see someone get on stage and praise God, it seems real mostly. But there are also days, when everyone realises something is strangely wrong.

The spirit of God is real. If you bring that spirit of worship into your set, it beats hands down all the complicated “non-God, but Christian” songs you can play. It means more to Him, then all the wrong chords that you play, it means more than all the out of tune singing you do. It blesses His heart, the same way you worship with that sense of conviction and truth.

Play the wrong notes, by all means. Sing it out of tune. But make sure you praise Him. So the next set that you do, do it for that right purpose. Do it with belief and in power.

Do so, and you will find that set will mean so much more to you (and the people around) than ever before.

Ashamed - Pillar

ooo, so this is what blogging is about. So happened to be listening to delirious? at this moment, therefore the title.

Anyway, it's the last day before magazine's closing. Which is really good. And it was a lot of fun. And stressful, really. The experience I picked up while I was in the company was extremely invaluable and useful. I actually feel like my life's going somewhere now.

Oh and speaking of which, this year's walk with God has been quite an eye opener. I look around, and I see still many Christians (veteran ones too) worried to speak about their religion. "What would people think? ", or rather, "how uncool", and the worst, the ones who just "shut up” and then, total indifference. As if it hasn’t impacted you in one way or another.

Look I’m not saying I am not guilty of this. There are times when I think about this quite a bit. Many people aren’t afraid to talk about where they studied (Hi, I was from this premier school, with much gusto), or where they worked (I’m now a banker with this and this bank, earning so much! money). Another especially ironic one ( I come from this and this huge church, and we have these many members, and we have a real power band, a pastor who has this many degrees, a growing and fun cell, but erm, can we talk about something else?).

Okay so it’s not wrong to be talking like that. It is in fact, a show of either affection or pride, at what you’re doing, where you are from. So it makes me wonder sometimes, if we are really that proud of being a follower of Christ. Why cower behind a farce when you don’t really have to? Why not sing ‘how great is our God’ loudly when you’re happy, instead of Viva la Vida (which is a really good song, and more catchy, no doubt). The amount of people at conferences, the noise and excitement at the recently concluded festival of praise’08, all that jumping and screaming, yelling yourself hoarse, but in the shelter of the indoor stadium. Amongst our brothers and sisters, we are not afraid to voice out. The raised hands, the singing with much enthusiasm, dancing even, why not translate that to more than the four walls of your church or cell?

I don’t mean you go out tomorrow, get a pick up truck, plug on your expensive electric guitar, sing till your voice goes, and drive down Orchard. Although, it will be real cool if you will do that. And trust me, you will get your fair share of condescending looks, and from some Christians, no less. “That fella must be out of his mind!” But I know, for when the day the King comes, you will be placed rather high on His List of Cool People.

You know all about storing up your treasures in Heaven. You have probably heard Matthew 6:20 until you grow sleepy the next time someone preaches to you about it. So start applying it. Start moving up the list that really matters today.

Step out, in faith. And find for yourself, that sudden step up, in grace.

p.s. this is a really damning post. Not a real smart way to start your blog, ain’t it?